Friday, September 13, 2013

Bertie and Me


photo of Schnauzer runningBertie turned 5 in August. Yes, I know it’s now September – I have no excuse, other than I’ve been chocka with cold for nearly 3 weeks and too miserable to post anything.


The Bertster had a lovely birthday and received more cards than I ever do on my special day! Our neighbour bought him a new toy, whose eyes and squeak lasted all of half a day before they were ruthlessly killed. His beloved Nannie & Granda also bought him a toy (largely ignored in favour of the squeak-less, eyeless one it has to be said) and an entire box of pig ears which should keep him going all winter. Another neighbour also put a Bonio through the letterbox and he spent a happy half hour licking crumbs out of the Coir front-door mat (Bertie that is, not the neighbour). I took him on two of his favourite walks and as an added bonus gave him a raw Chicken Wing for lunch and an arm-breaking tummy rub for tea. As days go, for a dog, Bert’s was just about perfect. I can’t believe he’s now five though and a proper grown-up dog. Doesn’t seem two seconds since I got him, still in adolescent mode really at 2½ – we’ve come a long way the two of us.


I really feel we’ve turned a corner on Bertie’s fear of other dogs, even ones he was previously really nervous of.  Over the past month we’ve come across a dozen dogs and I’ve been so proud of Bert’s behaviour I could burst.  I always put him on-lead when I see another dog approaching, even if the other dog’s owner leaves theirs to wander freely.  I ask if it’s OK for Bert to say hello to their dog, and in most instances they say it’s fine.  If the other dog is on-lead, I keep Bert on-lead.  If the other dog is off-lead I feel it’s unfair to keep Bertie tethered, so I let him off.  Bert heads straight for the other dog’s bum for a good old whiff, and they in turn seem to want to sniff Bert’s willy!  On several occasions with off-lead dogs Bert has then wanted to play and chase – sometimes the other dog has been willing, other times they’ve just wanted  him to bog off.  If I can see the other dog isn’t interested I’ll call Bert back over and, love him, he’s been really good at coming back to me when called (this would never have happened even 12 months ago as he would have been far too excited to hear me).


He’s even coped brilliantly with two potentially explosive situations: one where he was on-lead and a huge off-lead black Lab (his most feared breed) came hurtling towards us barking its head off (with owner in useless pursuit, blowing a whistle the Lab simply ignored).  I did actually pick Bertie up out of harms way, but when I realised the Lab was friendly enough I put Bert back down for a sniff, then let him off lead and they chased each other round the wood for a bit – nothing short of miraculous that Bert didn’t so much as growl, and despite the Lab’s obvious rudeness they ended up playing together.  The other breakthrough was with the big Heinz 57 that has previously terrorized Bertie, always coming haring up to him off-lead growing its head off (the owner doesn’t give a toss that this is really threatening behaviour!).  I’ve protected Bert from this dog’s advances by placing myself between them as the dog approaches, and little by little have introduced them to each other in a controlled way.  The dog now approaches Bert without growling, and I’m happy to let Bertie off-lead to go and sniff him.  I’m not saying they’re ever going to be friends but at least there’s been a cease-fire in hostilities and my heart isn’t in my boots every time we see the damned mutt.


Lots of people lately have commented on how well Bertie is looking.  He’s slim, toned, alert andPhoto of Bertie on lookout his coat is wonderfully bright and glossy – I’m obviously doing something right, though the lovely dry summer has helped as we’ve exercised much more than we ever can in winter.  He does, though, still seem to have intermittent problems with his front leg.  If he’s been running he’s often lame in the evening and struggles to get up the stairs.  It nearly always goes within 48 hours, but still it’s been a problem from the day I got him and is something I’ll chat to the vet about when he goes for his booster vaccinations in October.


His recall this summer has been as good as it’s going to get and he’ll come back to me 80% of the time (though I do still lose out to very strong scents and wildlife like pheasants, deer and rabbit).  He regularly checks in with me when off-lead and if he gets too far ahead will turn and make sure I’m following.  I do still treat him continuously – it’s the only way to go.


His barking still gets on my last nerve and the only thing that shuts him up is his spray collar – just having that on does the trick, I don’t actually have to use it!   For me personally, the yapping is the only downside to Schnauzer ownership and I have to admit there are times I want to tear out his vocal chords!!  But other than that I wouldn’t swap him for the world -  he is the bestest friend a girl could ever have and the love I feel for him goes beyond unconditional.


Photo of mans best friend




Photo of Bertie the Miniature Schnauzer


Another dog blogger wrote a very good piece recently on the impact of Dog Attacks.  It contained several scenarios and I commented on the following two:



  1. Someone she knew had their dog attacked quite violently by another dog who had escaped from a garden.

  2. The problem of friendly dogs who “just want to say hi” but who invade your dog’s personal space, often resulting in a scrap.


Another follower of her blog responded to my comment in a way which I thought was harsh and made me feel quite defensive and upset.  Let me explain.


1. Scenario One: dog escapes garden.  Whilst I feel terribly for the person whose dog was viciously attacked by another dog who had escaped, I stated in my comments to the Post that I could see both sides as Bert had been both the escapee, and been attacked by dogs who’d escaped or were off-lead.


A few months after I first adopted Bertie we were both sitting in the garden, Bert on my knee, sunbathing.  We were relaxed and I had my eyes closed.  As we were lying there dozing, a man walked past our garden on the opposite side of the road with a bitch in heat.  Bert shot off my knee, scaled our garden wall (which I had no idea he could do, he’d never even attempted it before), ran across the road and shoved his nose up the bitch’s bum.  I was mortified, and the bitch’s owner was understandably not amused.  I apologized and went to get Bert.  No physical harm done, although Bert could have been run over crossing the road, though I do know the dog’s owner was probably terrified as my dog raced up to his and I’m not belittling the psychological effects this kind of incident has on the dog being bounded up to – as a human being I’d be petrified if a total stranger came hurtling up to me and invaded my personal space.


My comment was that this was a pure accident (the dictionary definition of an accident is: any event that happens unexpectedly, without a deliberate plan or cause).  I thought my garden was escape proof, the incident could not have been foreseen and was not intentional.  After this happened I took 2 actions: Bert was castrated which has definitely curbed his interest in female dogs, plus I planted some very prickly bushes in front of the wall so that Bert can no longer get near it.


Was I at fault for this ‘attack’ on the bitch though?  Both the Blog Post writer and the other commentator said yes.  I say no.  It would be lovely to live in a perfect world where no accidents ever happened, but is that really realistic?  Had Bert viciously attacked the bitch and caused her harm I would have been beside myself, would have taken the bitch to the vet myself and paid for any treatment.  But I still think it would have been an accident, and accidents happen.


The other times Bert has escaped from our garden were through no fault of mine either.  I have a sign on my gate saying in very large letters “Please close the gate, pets around”.  But do visitors or delivery men always shut the gate?  Er, no.  And yes, Bertie has seized his chance on two occasions to get out.  Luckily I’ve always been around and he’s never gotten more than 10 feet away, but if he had would that have been my fault?  I’m taking all reasonable precautions (which is actually a legal term used in Court) to ensure that my gate is shut and, short of never letting Bert out in the garden which is ridiculous in his own home, I’m not sure what else I can reasonably do.  Though the commentator said the gate being left open was my fault too.


Bert has also been on the receiving end of an escapee.  We were walking up the village, Bert on-lead, when zooming across the road came a Collie.  I know the dog, it’s always chained up outside a farm (poor thing) and it had obviously slipped its collar.  I could see Bert was petrified, so I jumped off my mobility scooter and stood firmly between the Collie and Bert, telling the dog to “shoo, get away!”.  It didn’t help and the dog kept circling us to try and get to Bertie.  It’s a terrifying situation to be in, and I had no idea what to do.  If I picked Bert up would the dog go for me too?  Thank God I remembered I had a water spray in my scooter basket (don’t ask why, it’s a long story!) and I was able to shoo the dog off by spraying it.  I did then pick Bertie up and sit him on my knee, but the bloody dog trailed us menacingly all the way home.


Did I blame the Farmer for this incident?  Of course not.  He had no idea his dog had gotten loose.  I didn’t even report the incident to him, because I know how Farmers treat their dogs and to be honest I didn’t want the dog to be hit as punishment (hours after the event the poor dog would have no idea why he was being beaten).  I’ve lived here for 10 years and that is the only time this dog has ever been loose, so it was obviously sheer accident.  If the dog had succeeded in attacking Bert and had hurt him of course I would have got the Farmer involved, but I still wouldn’t have blamed him for it – it wasn’t deliberate and wasn’t intentional.  The Farmer thought the dog was securely chained up and indeed he has been from that day to this.


We live in a blame culture which is just getting out of hand.  It must be lovely to be perfect as all these commentators obviously are, but me I’m just a normal human being doing my best to get along in the world.  I will make mistakes.  My dog will make mistakes.  There will be accidents.  It’s called life.


Photo of a Schnauzer in a stream


2. Scenario Two: rude & harmful dog behaviour.  Again, I’ve been on both sides of this coin.  I was walking Bertie on-lead and we were approached on the opposite side of the road by a lady from our village with her off-lead black Labrador.  Bertie, for once, was golden and virtually ignored the other dog and just carried on walking and sniffing the grass.  The Lab was trotting along beautifully next to its owner, but as we drew alongside one another he shot across the road, growling and bit Bert on the tail!  Totally unprovoked and I was so shocked I couldn’t even react.  The owner immediately called the dog, who went straight to her, and apologised.  In this instance I actually did blame the owner, because there are signs all over our village which state that you must have your dog on a lead within 30 metres of a public road and she was clearly in breach of that.  This little incident made Bertie scared of black dogs for an entire year afterwards and it took months of training and work to get him back to being even half-way OK around other dogs.  I still hate that bloody owner for putting my dog, and me, through this and if her dog is that unpredictable it should never be off-lead or at least wear a muzzle if it is.


On the other side of the coin I can tell Bertie was under-socialized as a puppy by his previous owners and he has all the social graces of a bull in a china shop.  The Blog Post contained a link to an excellent article on rude dogs (of which Bertie is one) which explains the problem.


Bert gets very excited when he sees other members of his own species.  I’ve spent 2 years trying to train him into behaving more appropriately and have gotten no-where.  He “just wants to say hi” to every dog he meets.  I always try to have him on-lead when around other dogs, and I *always* ask the owner if it’s OK for Bertie to approach their dog.  If they say no, I respect that, and Bert is dragged away (and he does have to be dragged because he’s straining to get near the dog!).  I take him to a dog friendly café every week to help with socialization and have done for the past 2½ years.  We approach other tables with dogs, I ask if Bert can say hello, the dogs get to sniff each other then Bert settles down next to me and is golden.  If, however, there’s a dog I’m told not to approach Bert remains hyper-excited and vigilant towards the un-greeted dog :-/  I get him to sit and do the “watch me” command, enticing him with bits of  veggie sausage off my plate, but as soon as he’s had his treat he’s back to being obsessed with the dog he’s not been allowed to say hello to.  I have a dog who is excited by other dogs – I manage it the best I can, it’s not like I ignore the fact and do nothing about it, but is the situation perfect?  No.  If you’ve got a beautifully behaved and socialized dog you’ve had from a puppy who has no emotional issues good on you – we’re not all that fortunate.


As anyone who follows my blog knows, Bertie’s recall has never been brilliant.  I’ve worked damned hard at it and tried every suggestion known to man and, whilst it’s loads better than it used to be and he now regularly checks-in with me when off lead and doesn’t wander off, it’s never going to be good.  And it totally falls apart when we encounter other dogs because Bert “just wants to say hi”.  Bearing this in mind his off-lead walks are confined to remote areas at weird times of the day when I can almost guarantee there will be no other dogs around.  Note the word “almost”, because occasionally we will come across other people walking their dogs off-lead (who probably have the same idea as me that they’ll be alone).


Bert goes completely taut when he sees another dog.  I know the signs and I try my level best to get his lead on, but I don’t always manage it.  So Bert will go zooming up to the other dog or the other dog will come zooming up to us.  He stops about 6 inches away and starts to sniff (yes, I know it’s rude).  Sometimes the other dog will wag its tail and start to sniff back, in which case Bert’s sniffing escalates to circling and bum sniffing and the other dog reciprocates.  But at times the dog being sniffed takes complete offence and goes for Bert.  And Bert scraps back.  Never has Bert hurt another dog in any of these altercations, which shows that he’s using bite control.  And Bert has never been hurt in these altercations (which shows the other dog is also using bite control and sees Bert as more of a nuisance than an aggressor). I am terrified, however, that one of these days we’ll meet a dog who is truly aggressive and my baby will be properly attacked.  But short of never letting Bert off-lead I’m not sure what the answer is.


The Blog commentators say I should always have Bertie on a long line if his re-call is poor, but that still wouldn’t stop other dogs haring up to Bertie when they’re off lead.  Plus it’s totally impractical as we walk in remote areas of farm and woodland and I spend more time untangling the line from bushes and bracken than I do walking the dog!  I train Bertie constantly, manage the situation best I can, and take all reasonable precautions to keep my dog from either approaching other dogs rudely or vice versa.  I don’t always succeed and I accept that other owners don’t always succeed (as long as I can see they’re trying, which most of them are, that’s acceptable to me, though you’re always going to meet idiots who don’t give a c**p).  Like I said, I’m not perfect and neither is my dog.  The commentators dogs, and their owners, obviously are.  Must be nice.  Arrogant and unrealistic, but nice.


Photo of a Schnauzer in a wheat field




Photo of Rivery Lyvennet, Cumbria


I live in a place called the Eden Valley.  The name says it all, because to me it’s like living in paradise.  This afternoon Bertie and I had a walk by one of the many rivers which meander through the countryside near our village.  As the weather is so hot the water level was low, meaning Bert could go and splash about to his heart’s content.  The footpath next to the river is shaded by woodland, until halfway along when you come to an entirely wild flowering meadow where Bert happily bounced about chasing the butterflies.  But that wasn’t the best bit, oh no.


Photo of Jackdaws


I could see in the distance a whole family walking along the path towards us, 2 huge dogs running in amongst the flowers like lunatics.  My heart always sinks when I see other dogs off-lead as I’ve no idea how they will react to Bert or vice versa.  When Bert spotted them he assumed the attack position, crouched low, tail arched right over his back, entire body taught and ears forward.  He doesn’t look aggressive, but he doesn’t look exactly friendly either!  One of the dogs, a huge greyhound, came zooming towards us at 100 miles an hour with Bert frozen to the spot not knowing quite how to react.  Then he swerved off to our side and carried on running into the grasses, with Bert in hot pursuit!!  And then, joy of joys, Bertie and the dog started playing together, doing zoomies round the field and chasing each other like a pair of puppies.  It was an absolute delight to watch Bert, for the first time, actually playing with another dog joyfully and with total abandon.  Of course the greyhound out-ran Bert every time, so you’d spot the Bertster bouncing around the field like Tigger, head leaping out from amongst the flowers, trying to spot where the hound had fled off to.  He loved every second of it, and I loved every second watching him.  And coming home in the car, with us both in the front, Bert’s head out the window in the breeze, he just kept looking at me as if to say “that was fun Mum that was, I loved it!” and if dog’s could smile he would’ve been grinning from floppy ear to floppy ear.


My other good news for the day is that my dog walker, who had told me she would be resigning as she needed to find a job with more hours, has decided not to quit after all!  She’s reliable, gentle, good with Bertie and very responsible so I’m delighted she’s going to keep on walking my furry child and I don’t have to worry any more about finding someone else.  The reason for her change of heart is that she’s been trying a temporary part-time job now for 2 weeks and has realised that she simply can’t fit it around looking after her very disabled son, along with her other four healthy children (she’s also a single parent, and deserves a medal in my eyes) which is a shame for her, but great for me!


I think she’s also realised that, living where we do in the middle of nowhere, the cost of petrol to and from work virtually outweighs any money you actually make (I spend £80 per month just travelling to our nearest town and back to see my aging parents).  Living in the countryside may sound idyllic, and it is in many ways, but it does cost an absolute fortune and I don’t think none-rural dwellers have any idea what’s really involved or the lack of even the most basic services which the rest of the country take for granted, such as mains sewerage or having your recyclables collected (even though we pay council tax like everyone else!).


Photo of Rivery Lyvennet, Cumbria


All in all, the Bertster and I are loving the hot, sunny weather and can’t understand why it can’t be like this for about 3 months every summer, which would make the gruelling, freezing, rainy, windy northern winters that much easier to bear!




Photo of Schnauzer in meadow


He might look like butter wouldn’t melt, but he’s tried to dislocate my hypermobile shoulders pulling me on walks, sprained my ankle when I fell over his toy Lion on the stairs and nearly given me a coronary when he came within an inch of being hit by a car running out into the road, and this week my beloved Schnauzer finally succeeded in putting me in A&E.


We live surrounded by woodland, and in the current heat-wave it’s the best place to walk Bertie as I can let him off-lead to romp about in the cool and the shade.  The only downside being it’s heaving with insects and I’m completely paranoid about being bitten by ticks which carry Lyme disease.  So while the Bertster runs around happy as Larry, I’m wearing a long sleeved t-shirt, long leggings and knee socks and trailing along after him half-dead from heat exhaustion - but at least the bugs can’t bite me.


At least, that’s what I thought until I woke up Saturday morning to this (and, yes, it really is that photo of an insect bitered!).  My leg was swollen from the knee down and the inflammation was tracking up a nerve to another red, blotchy lump further up my thigh.  The itching drove me insane and it was so painful I couldn’t bear any weight on it.  I was not a happy bunny.


Being the weekend, of course, the doctors were shut so I ended up in A&E for 2 sweaty hours where I was given a prescription for antibiotics and steroids and told to rest with my leg up for the next few days.  Super.  I hope the critter that treated my calf like it was an all-you-can-eat-buffet gets food poisoning and dies a long, lingering death ;-) .


Bertie loves the heat and would rather lie panting like a loonatic in the sun than be sensible and sit in the shade.  The hot weather also means we can travel with the windows down in the car and he just adores to sit in his booster seat (strapped well in I hasten to add) with his head out the window, ears and beard flapping in the wind.  We’ve romped in wheat fields, splashed in shallow river beds and played hide and seek in flowery meadows.  To put it mildly, he’s having a blast and about as perfect a life as a dog can get.


Photo of Schnauzer in car


I’ve never given Bertie bones, mostly because I’m vegetarian and haven’t set foot in the meat section of a supermarket for over 20 years.  But I do feel he misses out on meaty treats, so I asked on my trusty Schnauzer forum for advice on what to buy and last week set off to my local Butchers, trying hard not to gag as I was assaulted by the smell of raw animal flesh wafting on the breeze.  I was happy to discover that bones for dogs are free, and came home with a huge bag of marrowbones and animal joints of unkown origin (the car now smells like an abattoir but, strangely, Bertie doesn’t seem to care!).  The marrowbone went down a storm.  I was a bit concerned that, as he wasn’t used to raw meat, he might have a bit of a squiffy bum afterwards, but all was fine and I’ll definitely treat him with those again.  I’ve also been told I can give him raw chicken wings from Tesco, so I’ll order some of those this week to put in the freezer.   They’re not items I’ll give him on  a regular basis, as he gets all the nutrition he needs from his food, but as a special treat now and again they’re fab and there was not a single woof for a whole hour as he licked and chomped his way through his bone – heaven ;-) .


The only fly in our otherwise perfect ointment is the fact that my dog walker has quit on me (she takes Bert out in the mornings when my joints are at their worst after being in one position all night while I’m sleeping).  She’s taken on a full-time job and my advert in the local paper for a replacement has so far yielded no results.  I’m not panicking too much, as I have a teenager who walks Bert at weekends and during the school holidays, but I desperately need to find someone by the start of the new term in September and if advertising hasn’t done the trick I don’t know what else to try.  Living in a rural area we don’t have professional dog walking services and, being as though I need him walked in the morning which rules out older children as they’re at school, my options are limited.  So while Bertie is having a blissful and worry-free life, his Mum isn’t quite so fortunate, although he is trying to be nice, licking my leg for me and helping to spread the infection just that little bit further ;-) .




Photo of Schnauzer and catflapAfter 2½ years Bertie has suddenly discovered the cat-flap which was put in the rear gate to help my (now deceased) elderly moggie get in and out of our walled garden.  For Bert it’s a form of CCTV used to spy on ’intruders’ walking past the house (the post-man, farm labourers and anyone daring enough to be exercising their dog are under particular suspicion).  Surveillance is usually followed by copious amounts of barking and a sudden withdrawal of his head when the ‘intruder’ looks to see where the noise is coming from.  For hours there is a pattern of silence, frenzied woofing and flip-flap, flip-flap, flip-flap as he dives back behind the gate for cover.  I don’t think the neighbours are that impressed ;-) .


Shhhh, I’m going to say the next sentence quietly in case the Gods are listening: Bertie seems to be over his recent fear of other dogs.  We’ve come across some large dogs on our recent walks and there has been no barking or fighting.  My heart is still in my mouth when he’s off-lead and we come across other off-lead dogs who come haring up to Bert while he stands there rigid and looking like he’s going to attack at any second, but so far so good and each encounter ends with lots of circling and bum sniffing but no aggression.  Each peaceful meet ‘n greet re-enforces Bertie’s response and I’m hoping we don’t come across any aggressive dogs or boisterous puppies to undermine all our efforts (which is what happened last time).  I still wish he had a regular playmate, but will settle for his not being frightened by members of his own species.


I’m thinking of going away on holiday for a few days just for a change of scenery.  Obviously I want my bestest friend to come with me but I don’t know where to start looking for self-catering accommodation which accepts dogs.  I desperately wanted to go to Lochend Chalets near Stirling, as the cabin overlooks the Lake, it’s very tranquil, and is within a beautiful nature reserve, but they don’t flippin well take dogs (why not????!).  And although I live in the Lake District it would feel a bit like a busman’s holiday staying in Cumbria, plus it gets very busy in the summer months.  I’d prefer somewhere near water, which is quiet and peaceful (which mostly rules out the sea-side), with lovely scenery and the opportunity for off-lead walks.  Due to my health I can’t drive huge distances, so am looking at Northumberland/North East, Yorkshire/Cheshire or Southern Scotland.  If anyone has any ideas please let me know.




Photo of a SchnauzerOn the whole, Bertie’s beard is pretty clean – it flippin well should be the hours of my life I spend wiping it.  It’s never exactly what you’d call white, but it’s fairly respectable considering the amount of snuffling, licking, slavering and compost eating he undertakes on a daily, often hourly, basis.


At least it was fairly respectable until the Bertster, in his doggie wisdom, decided to go on a cow plop slurping spree and turned it a carrot ginger shade of red (heaven only knows what they feed the cows around here, it’s a wonder their insides aren’t rotten!).  I’m rapidly starting to worry that the ginger is permanent and will have to actually growPhoto of ginger Schnauzer beard out, though I suppose I could always try and lighten it with a bit of hair dye – maybe some Castings Crème Gloss no.801 ‘Satin Blonde’ might do the trick or a beard full of foil highlights ;-) .  He could go the whole hog and have a complete make-over – a bit of purple claw polish with a blinged-up collar would be nice, and several lashings of mascara might force his wildly out of control eyebrows into some sort of order.  Shame it’s not as easy to make-over his manners or social skills.  No matter how suave and sophisticated he looked he’d still unceremoniously shove his nose up the first canine backside he came across and try to eat back his own lumpy vomit!!


Changing the subject entirely, we are having a nightmare time with ticks just lately.  Bert can’t go within ten feet of a fern without picking up one of the creepy little critters, and is averaging about 4 ticks per week.  I’ve discovered they come in 2 types: small little red ticks, and humongous fat bloaty grey ticks which give me the complete heeby geebies!  I take them off using my Tick Twister Tool, then drop them into the cap of the Surgical Spirit bottle which I’ve previously filled with liquid.   Then when I’m sure they’re well and truly deceased I chuck them down the drain outside, erggghh!!!


Photo of a tick          Photo of a tick


I’m using a spot-on tick and flee treatment every 4 weeks.  In fact I used one last night before I put Bertie to bed and guess what I found today when I was brushing him?  Yep, you guessed it!!  The little gits are indestructible and will be the only things left alive if we ever have a Tsunami or a nuclear winter.  I guess they’re just one of the oh-so-joyful-joys of living in the countryside, alongside septic tanks and farmers in desperate need of a visit from Trinny & Susannah ;-) .





Photo of my Schnauzer Bertie

40-150mm lens, S-640 + halo effect in Photoshop



I get some nice comments about the photos on this blog and I know some of you are also into photography, so I thought I’d do a post about……drumroll please……..photography!  For those of you not into photography, ignore all the blurb and just take a look at the pretty pictures ;-) (click on images to enlarge).


I am a rank amateur, having never even seen a DSLR camera or taken a ‘proper’ photo before in my life until April 2011 and my learning curve has been, not so much steep, as a Himalayan climb!  It was my original plan to enrol in a photography night-class, until I learned that there aren’t any (one of the joys of living in the middle of nowhere).   So I bought a couple of Photography books off Amazon to get me started (although, if I’m honest, all they did was confuse the hell out of me as they assumed all sorts of knowledge I didn’t possess).  I also tried in vain to read my camera’s manual (might as well have been written in Mandarin Chinese) and eventually just started clicking (once I’d figured out how to actually focus the damned camera ;-) ).


My original kit consisted of:



  • An Olympus E-450 entry level DSLR camera, which came with a 14-42mm lense, F3.5-5.6 (just to confuse me totally, Olympus have different measurements for their lenses to other companies, and I’ve since learned that this lens is the equivalent of a 28-84mm in other cameras) and a cable to transfer the images to my computer.  This camera is now considered old and fairly obsolete, but was only introduced in 2009!  It’s called a ‘four-thirds mount’ camera, which means you can use it with different types of lenses, so long as they are ‘four-thirds’ compatible.

  • A very girlie small camera bag.

  • A Compact Flash card, ie the digital ’film’ (my camera takes both CF and X-D picture cards).  I choose CF for a very good reason, trouble is I can’t now remember what the reason was!  I’ve been very happy with it though if that helps ;-) .

  • A spare battery (which I never remember to take with me, which renders it fairly much useless).


Since I bought the camera in 2010 I’ve added to my kit with the following;



  • A lens cloth (very important to keep the viewfinders clean and clear).

  • A lens blower (used to keep the lens clean).

  • A 2nd hand 40-150mm 3.5-4.5 telephoto lense (equivalent to 80-300mm in other cameras).

  • A 2nd hand 35mm prime macro lens, F 3.5 1:1 (equivalent to 70mm in other cameras).

  • A remote shutter release.

  • A copy of Photoshop Elements 11 for processing my images once they’re on my laptop (no need to fork out for Photoshop itself, unless you’re taking up photography as a business).  Best purchase ever!

  • A lightweight tripod with a ball head.


Quite a lot of my kit has been bought as presents.  Photography is a bit addictive and, if you’re not careful, a hobby that can empty your bank balance quicker than a robber in a mask.  My next purchase, for instance, is a neutral density filter so that I can take silky smooth pictures of waterfalls (if I could only find a waterfall to photograph!).


So, onto photography basics.  My camera has an auto setting, which is basically all I used for the first 2 months.  It also has 12 pre-sets, which include Portraits, Sports, Landscapes and Macro.  These were all I used for the first year, and the macro setting in particular gave me some fairly good results with just the standard lens:



Photo of Click Beetle in cow parsley

14-42mm lens, Macro setting



The problem came if I wanted to enlarge the pictures up to A4 size, as the lense didn’t provide a 1:1 ratio and was blurry and pixilated when blown up.  I now have a dedicated Macro lens which means I can take extremely close shots and the quality is excellent.


After a while, you want more control over your pictures and I wandered into the uncharted territory of A & S modes (lets leave full Manual mode, because it’s realistically only used by serious photographers).  In simple terms:


A (Aperture mode, also called an F-stop) determines how blurry you want your background to be.  For very blurry backgrounds use a small Aperture number eg. F:3.5 (great for shots of insects and other close-up work).  A good F number for portraits is F:8 or F:11 (you get your person or animal in focus, with a fairly blurry background).  And if you want all of your picture in focus use a larger Aperture number, eg. 16 - 22 (great for landscapes).  The other thing to bear in mind is how far away you are from, or zoomed in on, your subject.  The closer you are, the blurrier the background will naturally be.  The further away, the more of your picture will be in focus.  Trust me, this is all the information you need.  I read a lot about how the lens works, and fractions, and lots of other information which was just confusing and IMHO unnecessary!  If you choose A-mode, the camera chooses all the other settings (like Shutter speed and ISO) for you.  Here is an example of a small Aperture number:



Photo of a Pheasant

40-150mm lens, F:3.5 (taken on the side of the road from my car with the window down!)



S (Shutter mode) determines how fast your lens closes and I use it for action scenes.  Many people say that Aperture priority should be the most used mode, but I personally disagree.  I ignored S-mode for far too long, and just kept getting blurry picture after blurry picture (especially doing photos of Bertie who doesn’t stay still for 2 seconds!).  I now use S-mode for all my action shots and get sharp pictures 75% of the time even when I hand-hold my camera.  If you choose S-mode, the camera chooses all the other settings (like Aperture and ISO) for you.  I tend to use my telephoto lens, and on a sunny day a shutter speed of 640 (on cloudy days you have to choose a slower shutter speed, say 250 to allow enough light in, though this will probably mean more of your pictures will be blurry due to camera shake).  This is the result:



Photo of Schanuzer running

40-150mm lens, S-640



The other thing a photographer is supposed to worry about is ISO, or the amount of light entering the camera.  If you work in either Aperture or Shutter mode, the camera selects the correct ISO for you so it’s not something I think much about.  Just remember that on very dark days, or in shade, the camera will make your ISO higher which will make your photos grainy.  To counter-act this, either use flash (if you are close to your subject) or a small Aperture number (which lets more light in the lens).


There are other useful settings on my camera.  These include:




  • White balance.  This has pre-set modes of sunny days, cloudy days, and indoor/flash use.  I try and remember to set the mode according to the conditions, because it really does help the end result.


  • Focal points.  I use just one focal point, the centre one, because that’s where my eye aims.  If I don’t want my subject in the centre of a photo I focus on it, keep the focus button pressed half-way down to lock the focus, then move the camera so that the subject is where I want it in the frame.  Press down fully and job done.  Focusing is extremely hard to get right and focusing on the wrong part of your subject is the main reason any photo is blurred (well, along with hand shake!).  For animals, always aim for the eyes as the main focus – it doesn’t matter if the rest is blurred.  I use the viewfinder, not the LCD screen, at all times – it’s just a personal choice as I find it easier to frame and focus on my subject this way.


I could start to get technical now about shooting at night, bracketing, using cable releases to get ‘tack sharp’ photos, using ‘fill flash’, deflectors and filters but for an amateur it’s all a step too far.  What I will say is that if you’re planning on doing close-up work like wildlife or flowers, you will need a Tripod.  The closer you are on a subject the blurrier it gets, usually from your hand shaking, and the only way to get sharp pictures is to use a Tripod to hold the camera totally still (a cheap one with a ball head will do no matter what the ‘experts’ say!).


Most of all, just practice!  Shoot the same photo using different Apertures, then change to Shutter mode and use different Shutter speeds.  I still do this, as some pictures do better in A mode and some do better in S mode.  When you transfer your shots to  your computer, you can see in Photoshop which setting you used to get the best pictures (go to File/file info).


Anything that does go wrong with a picture can usually be put right in post-production.  In Photoshop you can correct sharpness, lighting, colour.  Make backgrounds blurrier, make skies bluer.  At least, if you know what you’re doing you can.  I think Photoshop should be taught at degree level, it’s certainly complicated enough!  A class is invaluable, or try buying a copy of Photoshop For Dummies – I’m only on Chapter 3, but am hoping to finish it before I die ;-) .  Happy snapping!



Photo of a Himalayan poppy

35mm Macro lens, F:3.5




Photo of a Male Sparrow

40-150mm lens, tripod, S-400




Photo of Wild buttercups

35mm Macro lens, F:4.0




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