Miniature Schnauzer | Bertie and Me

Bertie turned 4 on 12^th August 2012 and we had a lovely day together.  As it was a weekend, we went to our regular Café for brunch where the owner kept aside a whole sausage as a prezzie for Bert.  We then went to my parents’ house, who’d bought him a new Basil Brush squeaky toy which he thought was fabulous and still plays with religiously every time we go!  In the afternoon I took him to a local nature reserve for a long walk in the woods which is one of his favourite places, then he had an extra long tummy rub, a Pig’s Ear, and settled down for a much needed nap!

My feelings of being totally overwhelmed last month possibly had something to do with the fact that I was beginning to feel unwell, and in April I had a crisis with my health.  I became really quite poorly and lost nearly a stone in weight, was unable to eat, and was confined to bed much of the time (in between hospital visits and various tests and scans).  Of course this put training Bertie out of the window and I just had to relax about the whole thing and try not to let it get me down.  There were days of tears though and cries of “poor Bertie, he deserves someone well who can do more with him” but then I was gently reminded that well people are at work all day which would have been awful for Bert with his separation anxiety, and at least he had me for company all the time which is what he needs most of all.  In fairness, Bert didn’t seem to care less and the anxiety and worry were all in my own mind.

I was ill for most of the summer, and it was during this time that I had one of the scariest moments of my life.  There was a cottage for rent a few doors along from me and my friend was interested in having a look around.  I couldn’t get in touch with the owner for the keys, but my friend and I thought it would be OK to take a look round the garden and outbuildings and have a peep through the windows to see what the ground floor of the house was like.  Bert came along too and we had a nice half hour pottering round and discussing the pros and cons of living there.  We’d been looking around the garage when I noticed Bert was tucking into something pink and waxy looking and I just instinctively knew it was something bad and I needed to find out what it was.  The cottage owner was at work, so I rang her and asked if she knew what it might be and almost had a heart attack when she admitted it was rat poison and I had to get Bertie to the vets at double quick speed.  Rat poison contains Warfarin which acts as a blood thinner and a small dog can bleed to death within 24 hours if it’s not treated early.  My friend bundled us into her truck and we hared off to the vet, with me almost beside myself with worry.  On arrival, Bert was snatched out of my arms and taken to have his stomach pumped.  He’d eaten so much poison they had to do this 4 times before his vomit stopped being pink, then they had to fill him with charcoal to mop up any residual liquid.  He then had to go back 4 days later to have the clotting factor in his blood checked.  The bill came to £160 (thank goodness I was insured, but it still cost me the £80 excess) and I was beyond relieved that Bert was fine afterwards and has suffered no ill effects.  If I hadn’t actually seen him eating the poison and gotten treatment straight away the consequences would have been 100% fatal which doesn’t even bare thinking about – bleeding to death internally from rat poison is apparently a horrific way to die.

The one good thing to happen in the summer was that Bertie suddenly started to use his Poochiebells without prompting by me.  One day I was in the Utility room when I heard the sound of tinkling, and when I went to investigate there was Bert standing by the back door waiting to be let out for a wee.  Yippppeeee .  He now uses them regularly and it’s eased my mind a lot to know that he has a way of asking to be let out when he has the urge to pee.

There are days when I really feel I’m getting somewhere with Bertie’s training, and other days where I’m in absolute despair and wonder if he’ll ever get anywhere near the 80% obedience I’m aiming for (pointless aiming for 100% with a ‘Pig’s Fly’ dog!).  Today, when I took him out for his walk, his heel work was virtually none existent and he barked his head off at a Labrador walking past on the opposite side of the road, which is something he hasn’t done for months *sigh*.  I tried standing between him and the dog when I saw the dog coming, but Bertie just craned his head around my legs, body taught, hyper-alert.  I tried getting down on my knees in front of him, and sticking a piece of sausage under his nose to get him to look at me instead, all to no avail.  He just went nuts as the dog walked past, straining on his lead and barking aggressively.  I can’t keep doing a u-turn every time we see another dog – after 12 months I really should be getting somewhere with training him to look at me on another dog’s approach, but I’m obviously doing something wrong as it’s simply not working.  Today, I just want to cry at the enormous task I’ve unwittingly taken on in adopting a dog like Bertie, then hate myself for feeling like this because I do love him to bits.  I’m just tired of the relentlessness of it, and the lack of consistent progress.  His territorial barking in the house is also grating on my very last nerve.  I do wonder if I’ll ever be able to wean him off constant food rewards, because after 12 months none of his behaviours are proofed enough for me to even consider this.  I’m fed up of going round smelling like a piece of liver or a chorizo sausage (it doesn’t help that I’m vegetarian and the smell sometimes makes me gag), and Bertie has gained half a kilo in weight.   But if Bertie doesn’t obey for food it’s pointless trying to get him to obey for toys, praise or anything else as these simply don’t motivate him.  Today I’m dispirited, and exhausted, and frustrated and could really do with some help.

Hallelujah!  I finally seemed to be making some inroads with Bertie’s recall training.  I changed his reward treats to very smelly pre-cooked hotdog sausages and pre-cooked Chinese barbeque chicken pieces, in the hope that the smell would attract him and also figured that a change is as good as a rest.  It seemed to work, and in February I was getting a recall rate of about 80%.  He’s never going to be perfect, especially in a chase environment (he saw the farm cat last week and was deaf to my commands for a good 5 minutes while he chased it halfway up a bramble covered embankment), or when he sees another dog, but if he would keep up the 80% I’d be a happy bunny.  He’s also not the fastest recaller in the universe, and sometimes still finishes his sniff or wee before coming to me, but as long as he does come I can live with it.  On the occasions when he does a brilliant recall, and comes zooming towards me at 100 miles an hour on first whistle, he gets a jackpot treat of 10 bits of sausage or chicken, along with copious amounts of hugs, chin scratches and “what a good boyyyy, you’re the best doggie in the whole wide world!” fuss.

Another excellent behaviour I started to notice on Bertie’s off-lead walks was that he now regularly ‘checks in’ with me, ie. he’ll run off ahead but at a distance of about 20 feet he’ll turn to look at me to just check where I am.  This is a huge step forward from him running off and never looking back.  He’s too far away for me to treat him, but I try to always catch this behaviour and he gets a “gooood boyyyyy, well done!” whenever he turns in my direction.  Again, I don’t have a 100% success rate, especially when there are exciting distractions like smelling a delicious trail of fresh sheep poop, but it sure beats the 0% I used to get.

I also made some inroads into Bertie’s indoor territorial barking, but have to admit it’s still not going to plan and I’m not sure what to do next.  He will now woof a couple of times then shut up and auto-look at me and wait for his treat, or at least stop barking when I tell him “quiet”.  The problem is, as soon as he’s finished eating his treat he starts barking again!  I simply cannot sit next to him all day long feeding him treats – I don’t have the time or inclination, and he would end up as fat as a pig!  I’m not sure what to try next and need to give the issue some more thought.

I was also still struggling with Bert’s door manners.  I could get him to sit while I opened the door but would he stay?  Noooo.  He still went lunging at whoever was on the doorstep barking his blummin head off, which can be quite scary for people who don’t know him.  So I upped the treat to something bigger – a mini Markies roll – got him to sit where he could see the treat in my hand, then asked him to wait while I said “hello” to the visitor and only then give him the treat.  He was so busy eating it then he didn’t have chance to woof!  This works well, but he still started to bark when the visitor entered the house.  So I started to use ‘time out’ and not let him back in the room until the barking stopped.  Six months later I’m still having to use the time out system for some visitors and I’m not sure what else, if anything, to try.

In contrast, Bertie’s behaviour when in a public place such as a restaurant or café is now really good.  I keep him on a lead, which I tie to the table leg, and admittedly he’s a bit fussy for the first 10 minutes, either pacing or wanting me to pet him constantly, but after that he sits beautifully and quietly and is no bother whatsoever.  He lets adults and children approach him for a fuss and a stroke, and now doesn’t bark when another dog enters the premises (though he does still leap forward to try to get to them, but if I call him back, ask him to sit or use the ‘watch’ command he’ll usually comply – earning, of course, his food reward).  I don’t take him walking about amongst other dogs, as he still lunges constantly, but indoors while everyone is seated I can take him anywhere.

It’s now the start of 2012, and I admit to slackening off on Bertie’s training over Christmas as I was tired, the weather was snowy and freezing, and my Mum was convalescing after her operation and needed care from me.

I initially decided to have another good go at recall training, as Bertie’s ability to come when called has almost disappeared.  To test how much I was on his radar, I let him off-lead in a secure area, called him to me and he didn’t even look up.  So I got in the car, started it up, drove off and parked up around the corner, getting out of the car and sneaking round to spy on him to see what his reaction was.  Far from being in a state of absolute panic that I had driven off and left him, he still hadn’t even looked up and was busy sniffing the grass, tail wagging, having a high old time.  Holy Mary Mother of God, have I got my work cut out!!!

So, it’s back to basics we go, *sigh*, although I’m now trying a slightly different strategy of having a ‘positive punishment’ for his non-compliance.  By ‘positive punishment’ I mean I’m introducing something he doesn’t like – in this case the lead.  If he doesn’t come when called, I go over to him and re-attach his lead.  I walk him with this on for 2 or 3 minutes, and have another go at recall.  If he comes straight over to me, he gets to roam free again with his lead off, if he doesn’t the lead stays on and we try again in another 2 or 3 minutes.  This seems to work quite well, and I definitely think he’s getting the message that coming when called means freedom, and not coming means captivity.  I’m also still treating him if he comes when called off-lead, so he gets the double re-enforcer of getting a lovely piece of chicken, then being told “good boy, off you go then!” and getting to run back off into the wide blue yonder.  However, there are times when he’s too far away for me to be able to re-attach his lead after a missed recall, so I do still get him to wear his remote control anti-bark collar with the beeper on – if he’s very focused on something like sniffing a rabbit hole and becomes ‘deaf’ to my whistle/call, if I beep his collar the sound usually interrupts his concentration and he’ll look up to see what I want.  I can then whistle and use my recall hand signal (a finger pointing first at him, then down towards me) and he’ll usually comply. After only 2 or 3 weeks I start to see an improvement.

I’d also realised that I was recalling him to do things he didn’t like, eg. calling him to the car so that we could go home, or to come in from the garden.  In an ideal world you wouldn’t call your dog over to do anything he doesn’t like, but unfortunately in reality you absolutely need to.  However, I started positively re-enforcing his coming to the car, or in from the garden, when called with treats and literally within days I didn’t even have to call him – the majority of the time as soon as I approached the car he would come bounding over and sit waiting for his chicken.  Fabulous!!

He is, however, continuing to wee in the house and I’ve ruled out any source of stress or anxiety.  He never does it in front of me, so he obviously knows this isn’t a ‘safe’ behaviour to do with me present, but as I have never punished him for marking/weeing indoors in the past I think he now thinks it’s a ‘safe’ thing to do just so long as he doesn’t get caught in the act.  I needed to tackle this, so twice set him up to piddle and managed to catch him seconds afterwards, resulting in a very stern “no! naughty!” and a marching of him by his collar outside, with him cowering and looking very sheepish.  Thankfully, in just a few days, this seemed to teach him that weeing indoors, whether I’m there or not, is not the done thing and the weeing stopped as abruptly as it had started.

The whole situation did make me think about his cue to “go pee” though, and I realise that he didn’t seem to have one.  I have friends who use Poochie Bells (a ribbon with bells attached that you hang on the doorknob) which the dog rings (by either hitting with a paw or his nose) if he needs to go outside to wee, so I ordered some.  I followed the very simple instructions that came with the bells and within a week Bert was ringing them to go outside first thing in a morning and again last thing at night, though only when I was stood right next to him and asking “do you want to go out?”.  He wasn’t using them any other time, but I hoped if I persevered this would change.

My Mum thankfully came out of hospital 10 days before Christmas and the tumour turned out to be benign and nothing to worry about, so mine and Bertie’s lives started to return to normal and we began to re-establish our old routines, which is why this next problem was such a disappointment to me:  Bertie started weeing in the house again.  Not marking, actual weeing.  I could have totally understood it if it had happened 2 months previously when my Mum was really ill, our routine was out the window and Bertie was being left all day with other people, but for it to start when everything was virtually back to normal was puzzling.  I had no idea why it was happening, so just treated it as I did the peeing when I first got him, eg. ignoring the accidents, cleaning up with an enzyme spray, letting him out regularly into the garden to urinate, and shutting all the room doors and keeping him with me at all times (as he still never pees when I’m there).  The last few months had been really stressful for me, and I have to be honest and say this was the last thing I need.  I’m also distressed for Bertie that his behaviour regressed in this way, as I assumed it was a sign that something was wrong.  I could only hope that Bertie was  just a bit stressed due to recent events and it would settle again in a week or two.

My Mum had been ill for some months, and we discover she has a tumour on her lung.  It was a devastating time, as terminal cancer is suspected, and she needed an operation to remove the part of her lung which contained the mass.  All in all, she was in hospital for 3 weeks, with the first week involving a daily 160 mile round trip to a specialist unit, and the next 2 weeks a daily 60 mile round trip to our local hospital, to visit her.  Thankfully I have some fabulous neighbours, both pensioners who are at home all day, and have previously owned a little West Highland Terrier who they adored, and they offered to look after Bertie for me during the day while I was at the hospital.  It’s an enormous relief, as I couldn’t have left him alone due to his separation anxiety, and obviously couldn’t take him to the hospital with me, though I admit I was nervous as to how Bertie would settle – we visit my neighbour’s house every week for a cuppa and a chat, but he’d never been left on his own there before and now it’s to be all day every day for weeks on end.

I needn’t have worried: my neighbours spoiled him rotten, he loves them to bits (he gravitates towards older people, I’m assuming because his first owners were pensioners), and they have a lovely quiet house which suits Bert really well.  I took his mat and his favourite toy, and also left him a stuffed Kong for his lunch as a treat, and when I came home each evening at 6pm he’d be fast asleep in front of the fire, totally relaxed and not in any rush to come home!  I was so relieved, and so grateful to my super duper neighbours, I can’t even express it.

According to Bertie’s health card which I was given when I adopted him, his yearly vaccination boosters were due in October so I made an appointment for a jab.  He’s so well behaved at the vets I’m incredibly proud of him, and just stands there quietly while he’s injected, poked and prodded.  My only concern was that Bertie still had dandruff, despite good food without obvious allergens like gluten, soya or additives, and despite me giving him a daily evening primrose capsule.  The vet didn’t seem to think Bertie was itchy or that the dandruff was a sign of anything seriously wrong with his skin, so gave me some Coatex liquid to squirt on his food every day which contains a high concentration of essential fatty acids, particularly GLA found in borage oil.  This worked really well and within a month his dandruff had disappeared.  Thinking the problem was resolved I stopped using it but within weeks the dandruff was back, so he’s now on it indefinitely and his skin and coat are great.

It was also time for Bertie’s 7 weekly visit to the groomers for a bath and a clip, but he hated going and I felt sick to my stomach as I literally had to drag him over the doorstep.  This had been happening for some time and I instinctively knew that something wasn’t right, though I had no idea what the problem was.  The grooming usually took about 4 hours, but this particular day I’d finished my shopping in town and turned up half an hour early to collect him.  As I approach the main door I could hear yelping and the groomer shouting “of for God’s sake Bertie stand still!”, followed by yet more yelping.  A few minutes later I heard a noise which sounded suspiciously like a slap, though of course I can’t prove this and might be mistaken.  Bert was then brought out with blood dripping down his ear and the groomer matter of factly said she’d “nipped him with the scissors while she was trimming his ear hair”.  I know accidents happen, but I also know that Bertie is good at being handled and, along with his reluctance to go to the Groomer, the yelping, shouting and possible smacking, knew that I’d never take Bertie there again.

This, of course, left me with yet another job – grooming him myself.  I’d bathed, dried and brushed him before but the thought of actually clipping him was terrifying and I hadn’t the faintest idea how to even start.  The internet came to my rescue yet again, and I watched a dozen You Tube clips on how to clip a Schnauzer.  I then had to buy a clipper and, after looking at dozens most of which were for professionals and out of my league price wise, I settled on a Wahl which came with an instructional DVD.  I also ended up needing a good pair of straight scissors, a pair of curved scissors, a pair of Wahl thinning scissors and a small battery operated trimmer for his face (thank God for Amazon.co.uk!!).

The first attempt, including bathing, drying, brushing and clipping took nearly 4 exhausting hours and was a steep learning curve (my worst mistake was holding the clippers at a funny angle while doing his legs and shaving a huge chunk of fur right off to the skin!).  However, each attempt gets easier, quicker and more professional looking and I’ve now learned to do it in stages: bathe, dry and brush; have a break; clip his upper body and legs; have a break, then lie him on his back on the bed to clip under his belly and his paw pads – it’s less tiring for me and less stressful for Bert.  I also now trim his nails in this position and can do all 4 paws in under 5 minutes!  After another break the last job is his face, which is time consuming as I have a lot of beard to cut and make even, plus ears inside and out and humongous fluffy eyebrows to deal with.  At the end of it all Bertie gets a Pig Ear for being a good boy, and I get a cream cake for all my efforts!  I wouldn’t say it’s something that either Bertie, or I, enjoy much but there has never been a single yelp from Bert or harsh word from me, so I’ve at least proved to myself that what happened at the Groomer’s was totally unnecessary.

As Bert’s training wasn’t progressing as quickly as I’d hoped, I wanted to find out a bit more about what made him tick so ordered some books aimed at dog behaviour rather than simply training.  I found one of the best to be ‘The Culture Clash’ by Jean Donaldson which re-enforced my instincts that ‘pack’ and ‘dominance’ theories for dogs are outdated at best and abusive at worst, but which also contained a useful training programme consisting mainly of shaping (unfortunately for me she uses clickers, so I had to adapt this for Bertie using a clicking sound with my tongue, kind’ve what you’d do to gee a horse along).  With renewed enthusiasm I decided to tackle Bertie’s pulling when out on walks, using positive re-enforcement in the form of treats when he “heels”, plus negative punishment in the form of stopping dead when he pulls and not moving until the lead is slack.  It was a pain in the rear end, especially when it was raining, cold and I was tired, but I had to keep it up if I wanted Bertie to walk nicely.    Several months later and I can, some of the time, get Bert to walk beautifully to heel next to my mobility scooter and only sniff when I tell him to, but the first 15 minutes of any walk is still hard work as he’s just so excited and wants to pee up, and sniff, everything in sight!  Going past another dog is also still a problem – better than it was, at least he no longer barks his head off, but he does still lunge and it’s a behaviour I’ll need to re-think and work on again in the future.

I was now utterly and completely in love with my dog and I think that, at last, he was starting to relax and trust that I adored him and only had his best interests at heart.  Had I ever kissed him on the muzzle or let him sleep under the duvet?  Hell yes!, and he loved for me to roll him over on to his back and kiss his tummy all over “mwah mwah mwah”!!

I started to notice little changes in his behaviour, for example when we were both stood at the top of the stairs he would now always wait for me to go down first rather than barge past me (unless of course the doorbell was ringing, in which case he still tore down the staircase like his tail was on fire!).  Also, in situations where he felt unsure or anxious he now came over to me and asked to be picked up which showed that he trusted me to remove him from the threat.  I’ve had men (never women) who tell me to stop picking the dog up as he’s a dog not a human, but I’ve never taught him to do this and never encouraged it – it’s just something he wants to do naturally and I’m happy to oblige.

We had a nice, calm daily routine which for Bertie consisted of:

• 7am: wake and let out for a wee


• breakfast followed by a tummy rub and a sleep


• 9am: morning walk for 30 minutes (both on and off lead)


• Lunchtime: either a ride out in the car to my parent’s house or a game indoors, plus a Dentastix


• 2-3pm: afternoon walk for 15-20 minutes (usually a run off lead using varied routes – I’m lucky to live in a remote area with lots of public walkways through woods and fields)


• 5pm dinner, followed by grooming


• 6pm onwards, snoozing & cuddling


• 10.30pm let outside for a wee, then put to bed in his basket downstairs to sleep


• Weekends, an extra excursion to the café for brunch and, weather permitting, a longer afternoon walk

I was much more in tune with Bertie’s behaviour patterns and realised he’s a very people orientated dog that needs a lot of physical attention.  If you stop stroking him he’ll use his muzzle to lift your hand and place it back on his head!  Trainers from the ‘pack leader’ school of thought would say this is a dominating behaviour which must be stopped, which to me is utter tosh.  He just likes to be petted and doesn’t want it to stop, and who can blame him.  When my arm gets tired I just say “right, that’s enough” and he settles down to sleep.

I noticed early on that Bertie constantly lip licks and often yawns when he’s being petted.  I looked this up online and was mortified to read, even from authors I admire like Turid Rugaas, that this is a sign of the dog being uncomfortable in a situation and he’s supposedly sending out ‘calming signals’ in appeasement.  I watched this behaviour in Bertie and simply can’t agree.  The minute I start rubbing Bert’s tummy, which he absolutely adores, he starts lip licking and yawning – sometimes I only have to smile at him, or tell him “hello lovely boy” and he’s positively drooling and lip licking like mad.  For Bert this just signals that he’s happy, relaxed and content and nothing more sinister than that.  This demonstrates that each dog is an individual, and certain behaviours in one dog can mean the exact opposite in another.  Bert only lip licks and yawns when he’s relaxed and has different behaviours, like head turning, to show when he’s anxious and wants you to back off.

He’s also a dog who makes direct eye contact, which I’ve read is unusual.  He’ll sit for ages just staring at you and will even let me sing to him while gazing into his eyes!  I have no idea what the sitting and staring means to him, as I haven’t worked it out yet, but he’s seems happy while he’s doing it and that’s the main thing.  I’ve now learned to use it to my advantage as much as possible, and sometimes I can just look at him a certain way and he now knows what I want him to do, ie. don’t even think about stealing that cake on the coffee table!  He’ll also look directly at me if he hears a strange noise, just to check that I’ve heard it too, and I can reassure him it’s nothing to worry about.

I was still taking him to play ball in the field opposite and it was around this time that this play behaviour broke down.  He’d still sit eagerly anticipating the ball being thrown, go chasing after it like the speed of light, but instead of then bringing it back to me he’d find it, leave it where it was and start tearing huge lumps of grass away around the ball with his teeth.  I have no idea where this came from or why it happened, but no matter what treat I had or how much I called him he was no longer interested in returning the ball to me.  He’s never brought a ball back to me since, and seems to love the grass tearing game – and if he’s happy, I guess I’m happy and at least his jaws are getting a workout.

Speaking of grass, another of Bertie’s habits was eating the stuff.  He loves new grass and eats it like caviar.  I read online that dogs eat grass because they have upset stomachs and it makes them vomit which makes them feel better, but not in Bertie’s case.  He simply loves the taste and eats so much at times I wonder if he’s actually a sheep in a dog’s body!  However, I did worry that there could be nasty little critters in the grass, like slugs or snail eggs, which could potentially give him an upset tummy or lungworm, so I have a strict worming schedule which includes Drontal+ to treat intestinal worms, alternated with Advocate which treats lungworm – it would make my life so much easier if someone would come up with a tablet that did both!

Also around this time Bertie got his first tick.  We’d been walking in a forest, which is prime tick habitat, and when I was stroking Bert later that night I felt a little soft lump on his skin.  I had a look and it was a dark purple colour, the size of my pinky nail, and I could wiggle it about.  I thought initially it was some kind of skin tag, and then it dawned on me that it was most likely a tick.  Eugh!  I didn’t, at the time, have any proper tick removers so gently used my eyebrow tweezers to twist off the tick in an anti-clockwise direction – it’s important to not just pull it or you separate the head from the body and the head can stay under the skin and get infected.  I also kept an eye out during the next week for Bertie being unwell in any way, which could mean possible infection with Lyme Disease, but fortunately he was fine and I now have a proper tick removal tool and of course a regular flee & tick treatment schedule.

My dog walker had just gotten a German Shepherd puppy who was now 11 weeks old.  She asked if she could bring him along to walk with Bertie and, as Bert had little contact with other dogs, I thought this would be a great idea and might help with his over-excitement when seeing strange dogs outside.  The first meeting went well and both dogs toddled off together, although after the first hundred yards the novelty had worn off and Bertie ignored the puppy altogether and carried on with his usual sniffing routine.

Around this time I also started on some remodelling work in the house (unfortunate timing but sadly necessary) and was anxious how this would impact on Bertie’s carefully won over behaviour.  I could immediately tell he wasn’t happy, so gave him extra attention and some quite space up in the bedroom so that he could escape the comings and goings of all the tradesmen.  But his behaviour inevitably regressed and he scent marked every new item brought into the house, including plasterboard, wood and every tin of paint!

I gave him some le-way, but his peeing increased and started to get out of hand again.  I put it down to the work being done inside the house, until the day my dog walker came with her puppy and the second I opened the door Bertie started growling at him!  Only then did I realise that the main problem wasn’t the remodelling but the new puppy who Bertie obviously didn’t like at all.  I regretfully had to ask the dog walker not to bring him again, and within a week Bertie’s weeing stopped completely.  It taught me to look past the obvious when presented with a behavioural problem in the future.

Bertie and Me

Bertie turned 5 in August. Yes, I know it’s now September – I have no excuse, other than I’ve been chocka with cold for nearly 3 weeks and too miserable to post anything.

The Bertster had a lovely birthday and received more cards than I ever do on my special day! Our neighbour bought him a new toy, whose eyes and squeak lasted all of half a day before they were ruthlessly killed. His beloved Nannie & Granda also bought him a toy (largely ignored in favour of the squeak-less, eyeless one it has to be said) and an entire box of pig ears which should keep him going all winter. Another neighbour also put a Bonio through the letterbox and he spent a happy half hour licking crumbs out of the Coir front-door mat (Bertie that is, not the neighbour). I took him on two of his favourite walks and as an added bonus gave him a raw Chicken Wing for lunch and an arm-breaking tummy rub for tea. As days go, for a dog, Bert’s was just about perfect. I can’t believe he’s now five though and a proper grown-up dog. Doesn’t seem two seconds since I got him, still in adolescent mode really at 2½ – we’ve come a long way the two of us.

I really feel we’ve turned a corner on Bertie’s fear of other dogs, even ones he was previously really nervous of.  Over the past month we’ve come across a dozen dogs and I’ve been so proud of Bert’s behaviour I could burst.  I always put him on-lead when I see another dog approaching, even if the other dog’s owner leaves theirs to wander freely.  I ask if it’s OK for Bert to say hello to their dog, and in most instances they say it’s fine.  If the other dog is on-lead, I keep Bert on-lead.  If the other dog is off-lead I feel it’s unfair to keep Bertie tethered, so I let him off.  Bert heads straight for the other dog’s bum for a good old whiff, and they in turn seem to want to sniff Bert’s willy!  On several occasions with off-lead dogs Bert has then wanted to play and chase – sometimes the other dog has been willing, other times they’ve just wanted  him to bog off.  If I can see the other dog isn’t interested I’ll call Bert back over and, love him, he’s been really good at coming back to me when called (this would never have happened even 12 months ago as he would have been far too excited to hear me).

He’s even coped brilliantly with two potentially explosive situations: one where he was on-lead and a huge off-lead black Lab (his most feared breed) came hurtling towards us barking its head off (with owner in useless pursuit, blowing a whistle the Lab simply ignored).  I did actually pick Bertie up out of harms way, but when I realised the Lab was friendly enough I put Bert back down for a sniff, then let him off lead and they chased each other round the wood for a bit – nothing short of miraculous that Bert didn’t so much as growl, and despite the Lab’s obvious rudeness they ended up playing together.  The other breakthrough was with the big Heinz 57 that has previously terrorized Bertie, always coming haring up to him off-lead growing its head off (the owner doesn’t give a toss that this is really threatening behaviour!).  I’ve protected Bert from this dog’s advances by placing myself between them as the dog approaches, and little by little have introduced them to each other in a controlled way.  The dog now approaches Bert without growling, and I’m happy to let Bertie off-lead to go and sniff him.  I’m not saying they’re ever going to be friends but at least there’s been a cease-fire in hostilities and my heart isn’t in my boots every time we see the damned mutt.

Lots of people lately have commented on how well Bertie is looking.  He’s slim, toned, alert and his coat is wonderfully bright and glossy – I’m obviously doing something right, though the lovely dry summer has helped as we’ve exercised much more than we ever can in winter.  He does, though, still seem to have intermittent problems with his front leg.  If he’s been running he’s often lame in the evening and struggles to get up the stairs.  It nearly always goes within 48 hours, but still it’s been a problem from the day I got him and is something I’ll chat to the vet about when he goes for his booster vaccinations in October.

His recall this summer has been as good as it’s going to get and he’ll come back to me 80% of the time (though I do still lose out to very strong scents and wildlife like pheasants, deer and rabbit).  He regularly checks in with me when off-lead and if he gets too far ahead will turn and make sure I’m following.  I do still treat him continuously – it’s the only way to go.

His barking still gets on my last nerve and the only thing that shuts him up is his spray collar – just having that on does the trick, I don’t actually have to use it!   For me personally, the yapping is the only downside to Schnauzer ownership and I have to admit there are times I want to tear out his vocal chords!!  But other than that I wouldn’t swap him for the world -  he is the bestest friend a girl could ever have and the love I feel for him goes beyond unconditional.

Another dog blogger wrote a very good piece recently on the impact of Dog Attacks.  It contained several scenarios and I commented on the following two:

1. Someone she knew had their dog attacked quite violently by another dog who had escaped from a garden.


2. The problem of friendly dogs who “just want to say hi” but who invade your dog’s personal space, often resulting in a scrap.

Another follower of her blog responded to my comment in a way which I thought was harsh and made me feel quite defensive and upset.  Let me explain.

1. Scenario One: dog escapes garden.  Whilst I feel terribly for the person whose dog was viciously attacked by another dog who had escaped, I stated in my comments to the Post that I could see both sides as Bert had been both the escapee, and been attacked by dogs who’d escaped or were off-lead.

A few months after I first adopted Bertie we were both sitting in the garden, Bert on my knee, sunbathing.  We were relaxed and I had my eyes closed.  As we were lying there dozing, a man walked past our garden on the opposite side of the road with a bitch in heat.  Bert shot off my knee, scaled our garden wall (which I had no idea he could do, he’d never even attempted it before), ran across the road and shoved his nose up the bitch’s bum.  I was mortified, and the bitch’s owner was understandably not amused.  I apologized and went to get Bert.  No physical harm done, although Bert could have been run over crossing the road, though I do know the dog’s owner was probably terrified as my dog raced up to his and I’m not belittling the psychological effects this kind of incident has on the dog being bounded up to – as a human being I’d be petrified if a total stranger came hurtling up to me and invaded my personal space.

My comment was that this was a pure accident (the dictionary definition of an accident is: any event that happens unexpectedly, without a deliberate plan or cause).  I thought my garden was escape proof, the incident could not have been foreseen and was not intentional.  After this happened I took 2 actions: Bert was castrated which has definitely curbed his interest in female dogs, plus I planted some very prickly bushes in front of the wall so that Bert can no longer get near it.

Was I at fault for this ‘attack’ on the bitch though?  Both the Blog Post writer and the other commentator said yes.  I say no.  It would be lovely to live in a perfect world where no accidents ever happened, but is that really realistic?  Had Bert viciously attacked the bitch and caused her harm I would have been beside myself, would have taken the bitch to the vet myself and paid for any treatment.  But I still think it would have been an accident, and accidents happen.

The other times Bert has escaped from our garden were through no fault of mine either.  I have a sign on my gate saying in very large letters “Please close the gate, pets around”.  But do visitors or delivery men always shut the gate?  Er, no.  And yes, Bertie has seized his chance on two occasions to get out.  Luckily I’ve always been around and he’s never gotten more than 10 feet away, but if he had would that have been my fault?  I’m taking all reasonable precautions (which is actually a legal term used in Court) to ensure that my gate is shut and, short of never letting Bert out in the garden which is ridiculous in his own home, I’m not sure what else I can reasonably do.  Though the commentator said the gate being left open was my fault too.

Bert has also been on the receiving end of an escapee.  We were walking up the village, Bert on-lead, when zooming across the road came a Collie.  I know the dog, it’s always chained up outside a farm (poor thing) and it had obviously slipped its collar.  I could see Bert was petrified, so I jumped off my mobility scooter and stood firmly between the Collie and Bert, telling the dog to “shoo, get away!”.  It didn’t help and the dog kept circling us to try and get to Bertie.  It’s a terrifying situation to be in, and I had no idea what to do.  If I picked Bert up would the dog go for me too?  Thank God I remembered I had a water spray in my scooter basket (don’t ask why, it’s a long story!) and I was able to shoo the dog off by spraying it.  I did then pick Bertie up and sit him on my knee, but the bloody dog trailed us menacingly all the way home.

Did I blame the Farmer for this incident?  Of course not.  He had no idea his dog had gotten loose.  I didn’t even report the incident to him, because I know how Farmers treat their dogs and to be honest I didn’t want the dog to be hit as punishment (hours after the event the poor dog would have no idea why he was being beaten).  I’ve lived here for 10 years and that is the only time this dog has ever been loose, so it was obviously sheer accident.  If the dog had succeeded in attacking Bert and had hurt him of course I would have got the Farmer involved, but I still wouldn’t have blamed him for it – it wasn’t deliberate and wasn’t intentional.  The Farmer thought the dog was securely chained up and indeed he has been from that day to this.

We live in a blame culture which is just getting out of hand.  It must be lovely to be perfect as all these commentators obviously are, but me I’m just a normal human being doing my best to get along in the world.  I will make mistakes.  My dog will make mistakes.  There will be accidents.  It’s called life.

2. Scenario Two: rude & harmful dog behaviour.  Again, I’ve been on both sides of this coin.  I was walking Bertie on-lead and we were approached on the opposite side of the road by a lady from our village with her off-lead black Labrador.  Bertie, for once, was golden and virtually ignored the other dog and just carried on walking and sniffing the grass.  The Lab was trotting along beautifully next to its owner, but as we drew alongside one another he shot across the road, growling and bit Bert on the tail!  Totally unprovoked and I was so shocked I couldn’t even react.  The owner immediately called the dog, who went straight to her, and apologised.  In this instance I actually did blame the owner, because there are signs all over our village which state that you must have your dog on a lead within 30 metres of a public road and she was clearly in breach of that.  This little incident made Bertie scared of black dogs for an entire year afterwards and it took months of training and work to get him back to being even half-way OK around other dogs.  I still hate that bloody owner for putting my dog, and me, through this and if her dog is that unpredictable it should never be off-lead or at least wear a muzzle if it is.

On the other side of the coin I can tell Bertie was under-socialized as a puppy by his previous owners and he has all the social graces of a bull in a china shop.  The Blog Post contained a link to an excellent article on rude dogs (of which Bertie is one) which explains the problem.

Bert gets very excited when he sees other members of his own species.  I’ve spent 2 years trying to train him into behaving more appropriately and have gotten no-where.  He “just wants to say hi” to every dog he meets.  I always try to have him on-lead when around other dogs, and I *always* ask the owner if it’s OK for Bertie to approach their dog.  If they say no, I respect that, and Bert is dragged away (and he does have to be dragged because he’s straining to get near the dog!).  I take him to a dog friendly café every week to help with socialization and have done for the past 2½ years.  We approach other tables with dogs, I ask if Bert can say hello, the dogs get to sniff each other then Bert settles down next to me and is golden.  If, however, there’s a dog I’m told not to approach Bert remains hyper-excited and vigilant towards the un-greeted dog :-/  I get him to sit and do the “watch me” command, enticing him with bits of  veggie sausage off my plate, but as soon as he’s had his treat he’s back to being obsessed with the dog he’s not been allowed to say hello to.  I have a dog who is excited by other dogs – I manage it the best I can, it’s not like I ignore the fact and do nothing about it, but is the situation perfect?  No.  If you’ve got a beautifully behaved and socialized dog you’ve had from a puppy who has no emotional issues good on you – we’re not all that fortunate.

As anyone who follows my blog knows, Bertie’s recall has never been brilliant.  I’ve worked damned hard at it and tried every suggestion known to man and, whilst it’s loads better than it used to be and he now regularly checks-in with me when off lead and doesn’t wander off, it’s never going to be good.  And it totally falls apart when we encounter other dogs because Bert “just wants to say hi”.  Bearing this in mind his off-lead walks are confined to remote areas at weird times of the day when I can almost guarantee there will be no other dogs around.  Note the word “almost”, because occasionally we will come across other people walking their dogs off-lead (who probably have the same idea as me that they’ll be alone).

Bert goes completely taut when he sees another dog.  I know the signs and I try my level best to get his lead on, but I don’t always manage it.  So Bert will go zooming up to the other dog or the other dog will come zooming up to us.  He stops about 6 inches away and starts to sniff (yes, I know it’s rude).  Sometimes the other dog will wag its tail and start to sniff back, in which case Bert’s sniffing escalates to circling and bum sniffing and the other dog reciprocates.  But at times the dog being sniffed takes complete offence and goes for Bert.  And Bert scraps back.  Never has Bert hurt another dog in any of these altercations, which shows that he’s using bite control.  And Bert has never been hurt in these altercations (which shows the other dog is also using bite control and sees Bert as more of a nuisance than an aggressor). I am terrified, however, that one of these days we’ll meet a dog who is truly aggressive and my baby will be properly attacked.  But short of never letting Bert off-lead I’m not sure what the answer is.

The Blog commentators say I should always have Bertie on a long line if his re-call is poor, but that still wouldn’t stop other dogs haring up to Bertie when they’re off lead.  Plus it’s totally impractical as we walk in remote areas of farm and woodland and I spend more time untangling the line from bushes and bracken than I do walking the dog!  I train Bertie constantly, manage the situation best I can, and take all reasonable precautions to keep my dog from either approaching other dogs rudely or vice versa.  I don’t always succeed and I accept that other owners don’t always succeed (as long as I can see they’re trying, which most of them are, that’s acceptable to me, though you’re always going to meet idiots who don’t give a c**p).  Like I said, I’m not perfect and neither is my dog.  The commentators dogs, and their owners, obviously are.  Must be nice.  Arrogant and unrealistic, but nice.

I live in a place called the Eden Valley.  The name says it all, because to me it’s like living in paradise.  This afternoon Bertie and I had a walk by one of the many rivers which meander through the countryside near our village.  As the weather is so hot the water level was low, meaning Bert could go and splash about to his heart’s content.  The footpath next to the river is shaded by woodland, until halfway along when you come to an entirely wild flowering meadow where Bert happily bounced about chasing the butterflies.  But that wasn’t the best bit, oh no.

I could see in the distance a whole family walking along the path towards us, 2 huge dogs running in amongst the flowers like lunatics.  My heart always sinks when I see other dogs off-lead as I’ve no idea how they will react to Bert or vice versa.  When Bert spotted them he assumed the attack position, crouched low, tail arched right over his back, entire body taught and ears forward.  He doesn’t look aggressive, but he doesn’t look exactly friendly either!  One of the dogs, a huge greyhound, came zooming towards us at 100 miles an hour with Bert frozen to the spot not knowing quite how to react.  Then he swerved off to our side and carried on running into the grasses, with Bert in hot pursuit!!  And then, joy of joys, Bertie and the dog started playing together, doing zoomies round the field and chasing each other like a pair of puppies.  It was an absolute delight to watch Bert, for the first time, actually playing with another dog joyfully and with total abandon.  Of course the greyhound out-ran Bert every time, so you’d spot the Bertster bouncing around the field like Tigger, head leaping out from amongst the flowers, trying to spot where the hound had fled off to.  He loved every second of it, and I loved every second watching him.  And coming home in the car, with us both in the front, Bert’s head out the window in the breeze, he just kept looking at me as if to say “that was fun Mum that was, I loved it!” and if dog’s could smile he would’ve been grinning from floppy ear to floppy ear.

My other good news for the day is that my dog walker, who had told me she would be resigning as she needed to find a job with more hours, has decided not to quit after all!  She’s reliable, gentle, good with Bertie and very responsible so I’m delighted she’s going to keep on walking my furry child and I don’t have to worry any more about finding someone else.  The reason for her change of heart is that she’s been trying a temporary part-time job now for 2 weeks and has realised that she simply can’t fit it around looking after her very disabled son, along with her other four healthy children (she’s also a single parent, and deserves a medal in my eyes) which is a shame for her, but great for me!

I think she’s also realised that, living where we do in the middle of nowhere, the cost of petrol to and from work virtually outweighs any money you actually make (I spend £80 per month just travelling to our nearest town and back to see my aging parents).  Living in the countryside may sound idyllic, and it is in many ways, but it does cost an absolute fortune and I don’t think none-rural dwellers have any idea what’s really involved or the lack of even the most basic services which the rest of the country take for granted, such as mains sewerage or having your recyclables collected (even though we pay council tax like everyone else!).

All in all, the Bertster and I are loving the hot, sunny weather and can’t understand why it can’t be like this for about 3 months every summer, which would make the gruelling, freezing, rainy, windy northern winters that much easier to bear!

He might look like butter wouldn’t melt, but he’s tried to dislocate my hypermobile shoulders pulling me on walks, sprained my ankle when I fell over his toy Lion on the stairs and nearly given me a coronary when he came within an inch of being hit by a car running out into the road, and this week my beloved Schnauzer finally succeeded in putting me in A&E.

We live surrounded by woodland, and in the current heat-wave it’s the best place to walk Bertie as I can let him off-lead to romp about in the cool and the shade.  The only downside being it’s heaving with insects and I’m completely paranoid about being bitten by ticks which carry Lyme disease.  So while the Bertster runs around happy as Larry, I’m wearing a long sleeved t-shirt, long leggings and knee socks and trailing along after him half-dead from heat exhaustion - but at least the bugs can’t bite me.

At least, that’s what I thought until I woke up Saturday morning to this (and, yes, it really is that red!).  My leg was swollen from the knee down and the inflammation was tracking up a nerve to another red, blotchy lump further up my thigh.  The itching drove me insane and it was so painful I couldn’t bear any weight on it.  I was not a happy bunny.

Being the weekend, of course, the doctors were shut so I ended up in A&E for 2 sweaty hours where I was given a prescription for antibiotics and steroids and told to rest with my leg up for the next few days.  Super.  I hope the critter that treated my calf like it was an all-you-can-eat-buffet gets food poisoning and dies a long, lingering death ;-) .

Bertie loves the heat and would rather lie panting like a loonatic in the sun than be sensible and sit in the shade.  The hot weather also means we can travel with the windows down in the car and he just adores to sit in his booster seat (strapped well in I hasten to add) with his head out the window, ears and beard flapping in the wind.  We’ve romped in wheat fields, splashed in shallow river beds and played hide and seek in flowery meadows.  To put it mildly, he’s having a blast and about as perfect a life as a dog can get.

I’ve never given Bertie bones, mostly because I’m vegetarian and haven’t set foot in the meat section of a supermarket for over 20 years.  But I do feel he misses out on meaty treats, so I asked on my trusty Schnauzer forum for advice on what to buy and last week set off to my local Butchers, trying hard not to gag as I was assaulted by the smell of raw animal flesh wafting on the breeze.  I was happy to discover that bones for dogs are free, and came home with a huge bag of marrowbones and animal joints of unkown origin (the car now smells like an abattoir but, strangely, Bertie doesn’t seem to care!).  The marrowbone went down a storm.  I was a bit concerned that, as he wasn’t used to raw meat, he might have a bit of a squiffy bum afterwards, but all was fine and I’ll definitely treat him with those again.  I’ve also been told I can give him raw chicken wings from Tesco, so I’ll order some of those this week to put in the freezer.   They’re not items I’ll give him on  a regular basis, as he gets all the nutrition he needs from his food, but as a special treat now and again they’re fab and there was not a single woof for a whole hour as he licked and chomped his way through his bone – heaven .

The only fly in our otherwise perfect ointment is the fact that my dog walker has quit on me (she takes Bert out in the mornings when my joints are at their worst after being in one position all night while I’m sleeping).  She’s taken on a full-time job and my advert in the local paper for a replacement has so far yielded no results.  I’m not panicking too much, as I have a teenager who walks Bert at weekends and during the school holidays, but I desperately need to find someone by the start of the new term in September and if advertising hasn’t done the trick I don’t know what else to try.  Living in a rural area we don’t have professional dog walking services and, being as though I need him walked in the morning which rules out older children as they’re at school, my options are limited.  So while Bertie is having a blissful and worry-free life, his Mum isn’t quite so fortunate, although he is trying to be nice, licking my leg for me and helping to spread the infection just that little bit further ;-) .

After 2½ years Bertie has suddenly discovered the cat-flap which was put in the rear gate to help my (now deceased) elderly moggie get in and out of our walled garden.  For Bert it’s a form of CCTV used to spy on ’intruders’ walking past the house (the post-man, farm labourers and anyone daring enough to be exercising their dog are under particular suspicion).  Surveillance is usually followed by copious amounts of barking and a sudden withdrawal of his head when the ‘intruder’ looks to see where the noise is coming from.  For hours there is a pattern of silence, frenzied woofing and flip-flap, flip-flap, flip-flap as he dives back behind the gate for cover.  I don’t think the neighbours are that impressed .

Shhhh, I’m going to say the next sentence quietly in case the Gods are listening: Bertie seems to be over his recent fear of other dogs.  We’ve come across some large dogs on our recent walks and there has been no barking or fighting.  My heart is still in my mouth when he’s off-lead and we come across other off-lead dogs who come haring up to Bert while he stands there rigid and looking like he’s going to attack at any second, but so far so good and each encounter ends with lots of circling and bum sniffing but no aggression.  Each peaceful meet ‘n greet re-enforces Bertie’s response and I’m hoping we don’t come across any aggressive dogs or boisterous puppies to undermine all our efforts (which is what happened last time).  I still wish he had a regular playmate, but will settle for his not being frightened by members of his own species.

I’m thinking of going away on holiday for a few days just for a change of scenery.  Obviously I want my bestest friend to come with me but I don’t know where to start looking for self-catering accommodation which accepts dogs.  I desperately wanted to go to Lochend Chalets near Stirling, as the cabin overlooks the Lake, it’s very tranquil, and is within a beautiful nature reserve, but they don’t flippin well take dogs (why not????!).  And although I live in the Lake District it would feel a bit like a busman’s holiday staying in Cumbria, plus it gets very busy in the summer months.  I’d prefer somewhere near water, which is quiet and peaceful (which mostly rules out the sea-side), with lovely scenery and the opportunity for off-lead walks.  Due to my health I can’t drive huge distances, so am looking at Northumberland/North East, Yorkshire/Cheshire or Southern Scotland.  If anyone has any ideas please let me know.

On the whole, Bertie’s beard is pretty clean – it flippin well should be the hours of my life I spend wiping it.  It’s never exactly what you’d call white, but it’s fairly respectable considering the amount of snuffling, licking, slavering and compost eating he undertakes on a daily, often hourly, basis.

At least it was fairly respectable until the Bertster, in his doggie wisdom, decided to go on a cow plop slurping spree and turned it a carrot ginger shade of red (heaven only knows what they feed the cows around here, it’s a wonder their insides aren’t rotten!).  I’m rapidly starting to worry that the ginger is permanent and will have to actually grow out, though I suppose I could always try and lighten it with a bit of hair dye – maybe some Castings Crème Gloss no.801 ‘Satin Blonde’ might do the trick or a beard full of foil highlights ;-) .  He could go the whole hog and have a complete make-over – a bit of purple claw polish with a blinged-up collar would be nice, and several lashings of mascara might force his wildly out of control eyebrows into some sort of order.  Shame it’s not as easy to make-over his manners or social skills.  No matter how suave and sophisticated he looked he’d still unceremoniously shove his nose up the first canine backside he came across and try to eat back his own lumpy vomit!!

Changing the subject entirely, we are having a nightmare time with ticks just lately.  Bert can’t go within ten feet of a fern without picking up one of the creepy little critters, and is averaging about 4 ticks per week.  I’ve discovered they come in 2 types: small little red ticks, and humongous fat bloaty grey ticks which give me the complete heeby geebies!  I take them off using my Tick Twister Tool, then drop them into the cap of the Surgical Spirit bottle which I’ve previously filled with liquid.   Then when I’m sure they’re well and truly deceased I chuck them down the drain outside, erggghh!!!

         

I’m using a spot-on tick and flee treatment every 4 weeks.  In fact I used one last night before I put Bertie to bed and guess what I found today when I was brushing him?  Yep, you guessed it!!  The little gits are indestructible and will be the only things left alive if we ever have a Tsunami or a nuclear winter.  I guess they’re just one of the oh-so-joyful-joys of living in the countryside, alongside septic tanks and farmers in desperate need of a visit from Trinny & Susannah ;-) .

40-150mm lens, S-640 + halo effect in Photoshop

I get some nice comments about the photos on this blog and I know some of you are also into photography, so I thought I’d do a post about……drumroll please……..photography!  For those of you not into photography, ignore all the blurb and just take a look at the pretty pictures (click on images to enlarge).

I am a rank amateur, having never even seen a DSLR camera or taken a ‘proper’ photo before in my life until April 2011 and my learning curve has been, not so much steep, as a Himalayan climb!  It was my original plan to enrol in a photography night-class, until I learned that there aren’t any (one of the joys of living in the middle of nowhere).   So I bought a couple of Photography books off Amazon to get me started (although, if I’m honest, all they did was confuse the hell out of me as they assumed all sorts of knowledge I didn’t possess).  I also tried in vain to read my camera’s manual (might as well have been written in Mandarin Chinese) and eventually just started clicking (once I’d figured out how to actually focus the damned camera ).

My original kit consisted of:

• An Olympus E-450 entry level DSLR camera, which came with a 14-42mm lense, F3.5-5.6 (just to confuse me totally, Olympus have different measurements for their lenses to other companies, and I’ve since learned that this lens is the equivalent of a 28-84mm in other cameras) and a cable to transfer the images to my computer.  This camera is now considered old and fairly obsolete, but was only introduced in 2009!  It’s called a ‘four-thirds mount’ camera, which means you can use it with different types of lenses, so long as they are ‘four-thirds’ compatible.


• A very girlie small camera bag.


• A Compact Flash card, ie the digital ’film’ (my camera takes both CF and X-D picture cards).  I choose CF for a very good reason, trouble is I can’t now remember what the reason was!  I’ve been very happy with it though if that helps .


• A spare battery (which I never remember to take with me, which renders it fairly much useless).

Since I bought the camera in 2010 I’ve added to my kit with the following;

• A lens cloth (very important to keep the viewfinders clean and clear).


• A lens blower (used to keep the lens clean).


• A 2nd hand 40-150mm 3.5-4.5 telephoto lense (equivalent to 80-300mm in other cameras).


• A 2nd hand 35mm prime macro lens, F 3.5 1:1 (equivalent to 70mm in other cameras).


• A remote shutter release.


• A copy of Photoshop Elements 11 for processing my images once they’re on my laptop (no need to fork out for Photoshop itself, unless you’re taking up photography as a business).  Best purchase ever!


• A lightweight tripod with a ball head.

Quite a lot of my kit has been bought as presents.  Photography is a bit addictive and, if you’re not careful, a hobby that can empty your bank balance quicker than a robber in a mask.  My next purchase, for instance, is a neutral density filter so that I can take silky smooth pictures of waterfalls (if I could only find a waterfall to photograph!).

So, onto photography basics.  My camera has an auto setting, which is basically all I used for the first 2 months.  It also has 12 pre-sets, which include Portraits, Sports, Landscapes and Macro.  These were all I used for the first year, and the macro setting in particular gave me some fairly good results with just the standard lens:

14-42mm lens, Macro setting

The problem came if I wanted to enlarge the pictures up to A4 size, as the lense didn’t provide a 1:1 ratio and was blurry and pixilated when blown up.  I now have a dedicated Macro lens which means I can take extremely close shots and the quality is excellent.

After a while, you want more control over your pictures and I wandered into the uncharted territory of A & S modes (lets leave full Manual mode, because it’s realistically only used by serious photographers).  In simple terms:

A (Aperture mode, also called an F-stop) determines how blurry you want your background to be.  For very blurry backgrounds use a small Aperture number eg. F:3.5 (great for shots of insects and other close-up work).  A good F number for portraits is F:8 or F:11 (you get your person or animal in focus, with a fairly blurry background).  And if you want all of your picture in focus use a larger Aperture number, eg. 16 - 22 (great for landscapes).  The other thing to bear in mind is how far away you are from, or zoomed in on, your subject.  The closer you are, the blurrier the background will naturally be.  The further away, the more of your picture will be in focus.  Trust me, this is all the information you need.  I read a lot about how the lens works, and fractions, and lots of other information which was just confusing and IMHO unnecessary!  If you choose A-mode, the camera chooses all the other settings (like Shutter speed and ISO) for you.  Here is an example of a small Aperture number:

40-150mm lens, F:3.5 (taken on the side of the road from my car with the window down!)

S (Shutter mode) determines how fast your lens closes and I use it for action scenes.  Many people say that Aperture priority should be the most used mode, but I personally disagree.  I ignored S-mode for far too long, and just kept getting blurry picture after blurry picture (especially doing photos of Bertie who doesn’t stay still for 2 seconds!).  I now use S-mode for all my action shots and get sharp pictures 75% of the time even when I hand-hold my camera.  If you choose S-mode, the camera chooses all the other settings (like Aperture and ISO) for you.  I tend to use my telephoto lens, and on a sunny day a shutter speed of 640 (on cloudy days you have to choose a slower shutter speed, say 250 to allow enough light in, though this will probably mean more of your pictures will be blurry due to camera shake).  This is the result:

40-150mm lens, S-640

The other thing a photographer is supposed to worry about is ISO, or the amount of light entering the camera.  If you work in either Aperture or Shutter mode, the camera selects the correct ISO for you so it’s not something I think much about.  Just remember that on very dark days, or in shade, the camera will make your ISO higher which will make your photos grainy.  To counter-act this, either use flash (if you are close to your subject) or a small Aperture number (which lets more light in the lens).

There are other useful settings on my camera.  These include:

• 
  White balance.  This has pre-set modes of sunny days, cloudy days, and indoor/flash use.  I try and remember to set the mode according to the conditions, because it really does help the end result.


• 
  Focal points.  I use just one focal point, the centre one, because that’s where my eye aims.  If I don’t want my subject in the centre of a photo I focus on it, keep the focus button pressed half-way down to lock the focus, then move the camera so that the subject is where I want it in the frame.  Press down fully and job done.  Focusing is extremely hard to get right and focusing on the wrong part of your subject is the main reason any photo is blurred (well, along with hand shake!).  For animals, always aim for the eyes as the main focus – it doesn’t matter if the rest is blurred.  I use the viewfinder, not the LCD screen, at all times – it’s just a personal choice as I find it easier to frame and focus on my subject this way.

I could start to get technical now about shooting at night, bracketing, using cable releases to get ‘tack sharp’ photos, using ‘fill flash’, deflectors and filters but for an amateur it’s all a step too far.  What I will say is that if you’re planning on doing close-up work like wildlife or flowers, you will need a Tripod.  The closer you are on a subject the blurrier it gets, usually from your hand shaking, and the only way to get sharp pictures is to use a Tripod to hold the camera totally still (a cheap one with a ball head will do no matter what the ‘experts’ say!).

Most of all, just practice!  Shoot the same photo using different Apertures, then change to Shutter mode and use different Shutter speeds.  I still do this, as some pictures do better in A mode and some do better in S mode.  When you transfer your shots to  your computer, you can see in Photoshop which setting you used to get the best pictures (go to File/file info).

Anything that does go wrong with a picture can usually be put right in post-production.  In Photoshop you can correct sharpness, lighting, colour.  Make backgrounds blurrier, make skies bluer.  At least, if you know what you’re doing you can.  I think Photoshop should be taught at degree level, it’s certainly complicated enough!  A class is invaluable, or try buying a copy of Photoshop For Dummies – I’m only on Chapter 3, but am hoping to finish it before I die .  Happy snapping!

35mm Macro lens, F:3.5

40-150mm lens, tripod, S-400

35mm Macro lens, F:4.0